Cat Problems

I don't know what to do about my cat.

I feel bad, because I don't think I ever had the time to give her the love she needed. It was either freaking out about school or some other aspect of life, I did play with her though. She always had food and water and I always made time to pet and cuddle with her. I can hear her outside meowing, yes, outside meowing. She managed to get out of the house all on her own. David and I went outside to get her, I was happy to have found her, and she scratched David up when he picked her up so we left her outside. I can't go out to get her now, its like 3 in the morning.

I got her when she was a baby, she was old enough to be taken from her mother. I did all the things the guides said to do about when you bring a new kitty home. She wasn't really affectionate though, she never has been and I never responded well to it because I wanted a pet who was affectionate. I wanted a pet I could cuddle with and stuff, Tessie was never that kind of cat. It only got worse as she got older. She will let some people pet her, and others she just hisses at.

She hisses at the family alot. She has scratched and bitten my family members many times when they've tried to pet her. I can't hold her or cuddle her without her being agitated and trying to get away. I can't deal with her personality, I've tried to this past year and I just can't.

I don't think I ever want any pet again after dealing with her. I don't like being responsible for an animal that doesn't show me any kind of love. I've spent so much in food and supplies and emotion and energy and shit on an animal that acts as if she hates it here so much, like we're so fucking bad to her or something. I can't figure out what I've done wrong....maybe I didn't love her enough? I played with her and brushed her and stuff though as long as she let me do it. Nowadays I can't hold her still to do anything. What do I do?

I don't want to give her up, and at the same time I know I should. Maybe she was abused or something before I got her...I mean, what kind of cat doesn't like being petted and stuff? She's hissed at me since day one when I was just trying to feed her treats. :/ My mom got her from a friend, maybe they did something to her...and, idk, I didn't know anything was wrong with her when I got her so I just treated her like a normal cat. Maybe she needed alot of extra love and attention and I never gave it to her...idk...

If I gave her to a cat shelter or something, they could find her a good home. Maybe with a person who loves cats, and she could be around other cats too so she can socialize. She doesn't like socializing, my sister got a kitten and all Tessie did was hiss at the poor kitty when she tried to sniff at her. Tessie doesn't like anybody....I don't even know how to fix her, I don't even have the resources to take care of her...

But I can't give her up, I chose to have a cat. She is my responsibility and I will not pawn it off on someone else. At the same time, this is my first pet since Chewie. Chewie was my old dog, I loved him. He was so playful and fun and affectionate. This cat is like the total opposite of Chewie. But shes my responsibility...even if its so hard to deal with her I still chose to have her. But I can't deal with this personality, if she were like a human friend or something I wouldn't associate with that friend anymore because I like...communication, and mutual love, or atleast showing some fucking kind of concern for me. Not even just because I take care of her, but because .... because like, shes a friend in a way, or atleast has grown to be even though shes so hateful towards me and the family.

I just wish she cared for me and David more, I wish she wouldn't hiss and scratch at us, I wish she would just be nicer to us, I wish the kindness and caring we showed her was reciprocated in atleast some form. I feel like I don't know why I'm caring for an animal that doesn't even like me. How can I rehabilitate her? Just give her her space? Why can't I have a cat that likes to be petted...why can't I have a cat that isn't so violent...

I don't want any pets anymore.