Adieu

I would say since the beginning of this year I have begun to understand more and more the difference between what information is appropriate to share with others, and what information is inappropriate to share. Seems like a simple concept, yes, but I think I appreciate it more now. I don't think I'll be posted here much anymore, if at all.

It's not for any negative reasons or anything like that, I just feel I've found better and more complete ways to express how I feel now, and those ways are not through online blogging. I still have my game blog too, which I sorta update still but I'm taking the same approach with that. If I know you, you already have my MSN and junk to keep in contact. :]

Goodbye, & farewell. ♥

Whisper, whisper.

Rose Red is on, I love this movie. :]

I cut my foot today on a piece of glass in my brothers room. I been helping him and my sisters adjust to school starting and other common teen/preteen problems. I actually spent most of the day dealing with that. Sorta emotional and stressful, as children of this age tend to be. >_<

Since moms had the day off we took my car over to the mechanic guy to get it fixed (again), hopefully when we get it back it'll work fine and when school starts I'll have something to drive! ...or rather, David will drive and teach me how to lol

Do you believe in telepathy? I wonder if it could be real. Humans don't even use all of their brain, the possibilities are endless.

I been focusing more on "me" stuff. What I like, things I'm interested in, blahblah like that. Looking into drawing, geh, drawing hands is so annoying! ;-; I looked into anxiety issues, since I've been having alot of experiances which feel like anxiety attacks, and I seem to have alot of symptoms associated with social anxiety disorder. Should I go to the doctors or something? Like, I've been having these attack-like things so often lately, and I hate it, my heart feels panicked and I freak out, my mind races, I worry about stupid things so often lately and I can't figure out why. Finally sat down and seriously looked at the lawschool exam book the prelaw advisor gave me, I did well on the reading comprehension easy and medium difficulty question! I also got myself a free webdomain which I look forward to working on! idk what I even want to do with it, lol, I found out about it by checking out a game design website I used to frequent and one of the forum moderators was advertising it in his signature.

When I worry about stupid things, or things not really worth my time, I've been trying to stop and redirect my thoughts into something productive. Something positive. I wanna stop letting worry and doubt consume my mind so much. I can do better, I know that, and since I know it I should do it.

I read a quote that basically said, "Don't try to do things, just do them." I agree with that, it might sound dumb but alot of things I've been reading and experiancing has changed my perspective on things that have been going on. Have to stop letting fear control my life.

Gosh this movie rocks!

Mystery

I need to take a nap but I can't seem to sleep.

I guess I'm kinda stressed out. The lawyer stuff doesn't seem all that appealing anymore, I think I'm actually satisfied with just going out into the world and working after I graduate. idk...I dunno what I want to do again, nothing inspires me, I'm not passionate about stuff.

idk what I'm doing, I guess. u__u;

I feel lost.

The loan situation bothers me too, like...I don't want to take one out, I don't know what my options are though. It's only $2500 that I don't think I have to pay back (nor will it get interest) until after I graduate, but still...thats alot of money to me. Like, alotalot. I don't want to have to pay anything back for school, ugh...I need to call the financial aid office, I have the number yet I can't bring myself to do it. I'm not ignoring the problem, I'm just letting it build up, and its stressing me out, I know I should call but I can't bring myself to do it.

I don't know whats wrong with me.

Other than that, stuff is ok I guess. I have to move my car or get it registered since someone complained about it being in the yard. idk which neighbors would have done it, since almost everyone on our street ALWAYS has cars parked in their driveway and on their lawn, but whatever....

idkidk

Why don't I do things to make my life better instead of doing nothing and letting it get worse. Maybe I don't really care what happens and I just keep telling myself I do care.

Strength Training!

I worked out today with David.

'n wow, I feel great xD Like, my body feels really relaxed and stuff. I was so stressed out beforehand and now it's like...

Bliss~

My Life!

I DON'T WANNA TAKE OUT A LOAN FOR SCHOOL!

It's only $2,500 ;-; And it's my last quarter here! Whyyyyyyyyyyyy do they want me to take out a stupid loan!

Two of my scholarships & grants are giving me less money this year -__-;; Atleast most of school is paid for, which makes me happy. idk tho...I'd prefer if it was mostly taken care of, I only need $400 more TOTAL and I'd be ok with not taking out a loan! Just....$800-somethin a quarter is alot of money to be missing out on. That's like rent for a few months, or books :[

I gotta call financial aid monday! Sometime next week I also need to go to campus and get registered for the student service thing that will help me find a job after I graduate.

...I don't think I wanna be a lawyer anymore, but I'm not sure. :< I'm just not passionate about it, but I don't know much about any specifics concerning it so of course I wouldn't be passionate.

I wanna help people. I want a career that will allow me to help people while bettering our society. What to do, what to do....

I Tell Time

I'm so mood swing-ie lately.

I wonder what's wrong with me. :[

You

My headache went away today. Yay!

I stayed up until 7am 'cause I slept so much yesterday. I woke up around two...hasn't been a pleasant day. I dunno what I'm going to do about RO, stupid issues I've caused for myself makes me...sad to play, when I have no right to be sad. It's pitiful and disgusting. I hate it.

Life is quiet. No one is doing anythign they're suppose to be doing so it seems almost like a joke. It isn't a funny joke, though. I could go on and on about how sad and boohoo stuff is, but I don't care that much. It isn't so bad, and I know that. It could be worse, and I should be happy it isn't worse.

And I am happy it's atleast ok. I have the power to make it better, though, yet I don't. I don't really have anyone else to blame but myself.

I want these uneasy, unhappy, insecure feelings to go away, though.